bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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