Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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