Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
