What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
