god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
