After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
