I'm laying in your front yard are you home
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
