my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
