the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
