The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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