She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
