Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
