420 ftw
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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