Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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