I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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