what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
this hospital has no fireball
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
