This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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