ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
