I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
