Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to sanitize my soul.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
