I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
