So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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