MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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