I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
