One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
