apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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