You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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