Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
