): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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