then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
