I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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