you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
