remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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