If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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