:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
