I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
