one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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