i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
