ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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