The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
