walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
