i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
