a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
