It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
