omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
