problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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