Duck Duck Cougar?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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