"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
