I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
