i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
